=)

The feeling of lousiness is a geometric pregression.
I never knew public speaking was so difficult for me.

Last time, I used to be confident of myself until someone robbed me of every single bit of it.
And now, I am trying so hard to get it back.

Today during PW, we had to talk for 3 minutes about a random topic. I was made to talk about 'buses'.

First I went UHM. Stared at the flimsy piece of paper on my hand. It said 'buses' -_-. I wished there was a hole and I can just jump in. I wished my brain could function and make me speak at least something. Stared at Cvn who was counting down. I wished all this was a nightmare and I could wake up from it. Looked at everyone whom seem to be laughing at me. I wished I would stop saying "I don't know....". I must have looked real stupid. Yea. All the pairs of eyes directed at me just made me feel lousier than ever.

WHY?! I mean, the rest of the 16 people can do it. I am so stupid!

):.

I think even the teacher got a shock. He used the word 'traumatised'to describe me. ARGH.

Sigh. And even school food is not appetising now. I shall try going on a week without solid food. I think I lost some weight already, yay, lol. Home food.. is not any better. :\

I don't feel like eating. Even soya bean is turning me off already. Sick of sweets. A bit of appetite for chocolate. None for rice/noodles/etc.
After school, some of the guys went out, some went home? and I went home. Sorry for being a little... rude? to Julius. I didn't know what to say, was still feeling very lousy over the PW thing. Hope you guys had fun(:!

LOUSY ME.
I am going to screw up OP tomorrow.
I am going to pull the group grades down.
I am so, terrible sorry.

Why is it that I can blog on and on but when it comes to verbally I cant speak even a single complete sentence blah blah blah.

Mr Lim and everyone else was right man.

Damn I hate myself even more now.


Felt like a scene on the cutting room floor